by Debra Ohstrom, CFA Sept 23, 2026

There is an unspoken belief in many advice-driven professions: financial services, law, or accounting, that says, the more technically brilliant you are, the more clients will hire you.  If you go to the right schools, pass the exams, earn the designations or master the tax code, then you will automatically get all the right clients.

I think that assumption will lead you astray.

Competence is the entry fee, not the differentiator. Clients assume you’re qualified, that’s why they’re sitting across from you. What they can’t assume, what they’re quietly testing for in the first few minutes of every meeting, is whether you’re safe to be honest with.

The Real Reason Clients Hold Back

Think about the last time a client or prospect didn’t tell you something important — the real reason they’re worried about retirement, the marital tension behind an estate plan, the fear they’re too embarrassed to name. It wasn’t because they doubted your competence. It was because they didn’t feel it was safe to say it out loud.

This is true whether you’re a financial advisor discussing a couple’s retirement readiness, a lawyer drafting a will that touches on a fractured family relationship, or an accountant reviewing a business owner’s finances during a rough year. The information you need most, the fears, the unspoken assumptions, the “what if” that’s keeping someone up at night, only surfaces in an environment of warmth and non-judgement. Warmth isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill.

Warmth Is a Practice, Not a Personality

Many advisors, attorneys, and accountants assume warmth is something you either have or you don’t — you’re a “people person” or you’re not. That belief lets a lot of talented professionals off the hook, and it costs them relationships they never even knew they lost.

Warmth is built through specific, repeatable behaviors. The ability to convey that you are non-judgmental and want to be their trusted partner.

Here are a few Tips:

Ask questions that invite reflection, not just information. “What’s your risk tolerance?” gets you a number. “What would it mean to you if this plan worked out exactly as you hoped?” gets you the truth. Open-ended, values-based questions give clients permission to say what they actually feel, not just what they think you want to hear.

Listen for what isn’t being said. Hesitation, a change of subject, a joke that deflects pain, these are all moments to be aware of. Advisors, lawyers, and accountants who notice these cues and gently follow up (“I noticed you paused there — is there more to that?”) build trust faster than anyone who simply moves through their checklist.

Normalize the fear. Clients often think their specific worry is unusual or shameful and that they’re the only ones who haven’t saved enough, or the only family with a complicated will, or the only business owner who’s behind on their books. A simple acknowledgment, “This comes up more than you’d think” or “I have helped others in similar situations”, can be the sentence that opens the entire conversation.

Mirror before you advise. Before offering a solution, reflect back what you heard. “It sounds like what worries you most isn’t the market, it’s whether your kids will be okay.” That single sentence does more to build trust than any recommendation that follows it, because it proves you were actually listening.

Why This is So Important for Women Clients

This dynamic is especially pronounced with women clients and prospects, and the research proves it. According to New York Life Investments’ Advisor Advancement Institute, 32% of women investors say they switched advisors due to a lack of personal connection not investment performance. Among women who have recently separated, divorced, or been widowed, the numbers are even starker: 51% say they may not work with a financial advisor again after feeling patronized.

It isn’t that women investors doubt their advisor’s expertise. A 2026 Nationwide Retirement Institute survey, conducted with the Harris Poll, found that 34% of women investors say they find their advisor condescending when explaining recommendations or answering questions. And the disconnect goes deeper than tone: according to EY research, 67% of female investors globally say their wealth manager misunderstood their goals — a clear signal that what women are looking for isn’t just respect, but an advisor who genuinely gets them and their unique situation.

But the deeper truth is that everyone, regardless of gender, responds to warmth. We are human beings after all.   

Competence Gets You in the Room. Communication Keeps You There.

Women usually don’t leave an advisor, attorney, or accountant because that professional was too technically skilled. They left because they didn’t feel understood, a meeting felt transactional instead of relational and somewhere along the way, they stopped believing the Advisor was really listening to their concerns.

Advisors who thrive over the long term aren’t necessarily the ones with the best investment returns. They’re the ones who’ve made warmth a discipline — who ask better questions, listen harder, and create the kind of environment where a client’s real fears can finally be spoken out loud.

This skill doesn’t always come natural to professionals offering advice but it can be learned with practice.

Sources: New York Life Investments, Advisor Advancement Institute; Nationwide Retirement Institute / The Harris Poll, 2026; EY (via UBS Global Wealth Management).